I have been lucky enough to find a couple sitters out here in Winchester. They both fit into the category above. There's just one problem:
They. Do. Not. Act. Like. Tyrannical. Dictators.
You see, this is the only method of government that works in our home. A democracy doesn't work. The children are terrorists, remember; they cannot be trusted to govern themselves.
For some reason, the babysitters just don't get this. They want the terrorists to like them. Bleh.
Due to this infernal need to be liked, the terrorists do the EXACT SAME THING every time we have a babysitter over.
They. Act. Like. They. Have. No. Idea. How. We. Live. In. Our. House.
None. No idea of how bedtime works, dinner, showers/baths, dessert, and on and on. Zilch. Nothing.
I'm guessing that the babysitters think we have no rules here. It's just Lord of the Flies all the time and the kids fend for themselves (well, that may be right, but only part of the time).
We get a babysitter on a weeknight 99.99999% of the time. Why? Because it's worth paying $12/hour for someone else to put the terrorists to bed. This is almost always the most frustrating part of the day (depending on homework or if we are crazy enough to attempt eating IN a restaurant). When we are home, Terrorist #1 and Terrorist #3 have to alternate: one brushes his teeth while the other gets changed. They cannot coexist in the same space. It leads to fighting and/or uncontrollable giggling, which eventually leads to us yelling. Terrorist #2 just goes at her own pace... taking, oh, 15 minutes to pick out earrings to wear for the next day. Everyone else will be completely done and she'll have only changed her earrings.
The whole debacle requires military-level scrutiny and supervision.
Dinnertime is no different. #1 and #3 cannot sit next to each other (are you seeing a pattern here?). They must all eat within a certain timeframe if they want dessert (aka, leftover Halloween candy), and if they don't eat within the allotted time, then they are given a little bit longer before threats of going straight to bed begin.
We ONLY eat at the dining table. No food or drinks are allowed in the basement, where we have our TV.
Then a babysitter comes over.
On Monday, we had a sitter from about 6 to 10 PM. I tried something different, I actually warned the children:
"ACT LIKE YOU LIVE HERE AND YOU KNOW HOW EVERYTHING WORKS."
And yet... the amnesia set in. It's like mob mentality takes over and they forget everything. When we walk in the door, it's like we've entered a war zone.
- Dirty, greasy plates and napkins are all over the table.
- Candy trash is on the floor.
- Dirty clothes are either in the bathroom or the hallway (like they have forgotten they each have their own hamper).
- Dirty, wet towels are on the bathroom floor (instead of... oh, I don't know, being hung up?! I'd even take them being thrown into the wrong hamper as progress.).
- Half of the kids are not wearing what they should be for school the next day.
- I guess I need to explain this. We make the kids wear their clean school clothes to bed. Yep. We totally do and we will continue to do it until they can wake themselves up and get ready for school all by themselves. We do not negotiate with the terrorists on this. They are so grouchy and slow in the mornings that we don't have time to argue about clothes. The boys tend to just wear a shirt and underwear to bed, but #2 tends to wear her whole outfit.
This past Monday, two of the terrorists convinced the poor babysitter that they weren't going to school the next day and wore pajamas to bed. Not. Going. To. School.
Yes, THEY decided that THEY were sick and were going to stay home.
Do I need to say that THEY both went to school the following day? Because, yes, THEY did.
...Back to the list:
- The cats are always starving. No one feeds them, even though they are PAID allowance to feed them every morning and night. The cats just circle around our feet like beggars as soon as we walk in the door, to the point we trip over them, cursing.
- Drinks are in the basement or in their bedrooms.
- Crumbs of either popcorn or candy are in the basement.
Who knows if they brush their teeth. I don't even want to know.
All I know is that it drives me crazy. It drives my husband crazy.
Does Care.com have a search option for tyrannical dictators? Maybe we need to try that. Or, I could start a Care.com competitor: tyrannicaldictatorbabysitters.com.
All this for $12 an hour.
Sigh.
Say a prayer for me,
Kristin
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